Thoughts on the Death of Ravi Zacharias

As I was eating my breakfast last week prior to heading to MD Anderson for my cancer treatment, I read that Ravi was leaving MD Anderson to return to Atlanta to be with his family. His cancer treatments had failed to stop the spread of cancer. My first thought was about me. What chance do I have for a miracle if Ravi Zacharias didn’t get one. Ravi was a great soldier in the Lord’s army. He had an international platform from which to preach the gospel. He was one of the greatest apologists of our time. And he did not get his prayers answered. Today, he died.

Satan, of course, is quick to point out the futility in believing God for a miracle in my life. If Ravi can’t get one, what chance does Bill have? It would seem that I have no chance at all. It only makes sense doesn’t it, that if Ravi couldn’t get a miracle, then Bill can’t either. The problem with this line of reasoning is that it is based on man’s system, not God’s.

Man’s system is based on merit. This system states that the more one does or the better one is, the more he/she should be able to obtain from God. This system is based on a ranking, which rewards accomplishments. It also seems fair, doesn’t it? The more one accomplishes for God, the more one can expect to receive from God.

I did a word search on the word “fair” in the Bible. Fairness is only used by God to describe how judges should render their verdicts. The word is not used in how God relates to mankind. God does not treat us fairly. He treats us better than fair, he treats us with grace.

Grace is defined as unmerited favor from God. “Unmerited” is the key word. God’s favor is received by the believer based on God’s love for us, not by what we do to try to earn it. Grace takes the pressure off of me to merit God’s favor or blessings because I already have it.

We see God’s grace exhibited in the Old Testament in many different ways. God chose Abram to bless. Abram did not earn the blessing, God picked him to bestow His blessing on. God chose Jacob over his brother Esau through which the line of His blessing would flow. God chose David, the youngest and most unlikely male child of Jesse, to be king of Israel and to father the lineage of Christ. God chooses whom He will bless and how He will do it. He does this based on His plans to bring glory to Himself.

For reasons we will probably never understand, God did not chose to heal Ravi here on earth. For reasons we will probably never understand, God may choose to heal me. One thing is certain and that is this:  God’s decisions are not based on merit or favor or anything other than the accomplishment of His purposes to bring glory to Himself.

This makes my decisions regarding cancer treatments easier. God will decide. Joan and I are getting advice and treatments from the best cancer facility in the U.S., just as Ravi did. Beyond that we can’t do any more. The rest is in God’s hands. I can rest in His peace knowing that He has everything under control.

Texas Is Our New Home (For Now)

A lot has happened since my last blog posting. At the end of February 2019, Joan and I moved out of our apartment, put our furniture in storage and headed to Florida, planning to stay until the end of May. Because the clinical trial that I was in had now ended, I was now able to receive my chemotherapy in Florida. In April, scans showed the cancer had returned to both the liver and esophagus and we felt led to return to Fort Wayne for evaluation and treatment. Since I had done well initially with a chemo treatment plan called FOLFOX I went back on that chemotherapy. In July, we received some conflicting news and recommendations and since there was no longer a GI oncologist in the Fort Wayne area, we decided to take advantage of Parkview Hospital’s new relationship with MD Anderson, in Houston.

We traveled to Houston for scans and evaluation and were extremely impressed with the knowledge, options and personal care offered there. At MD Anderson’s recommendation I continued on the FOLFOX treatment in Fort Wayne.  

In late September, we returned to Florida. About that time, new scans at MD Anderson showed that the FOLFOX was becoming less effective in fighting the cancer. It was recommended that I receive radiation on the esophagus, which I received in October and November. The December scans showed that the tumor in the esophagus was significantly smaller, but the tumors in the liver were growing.  My treatment was changed to two different drugs which eventually were shown to not be effective in slowing the growth of the liver tumors.

In early March of this year, MD Anderson offered me a clinical trial of two drugs . One drug is OPDIVO.  It was developed by an MD Anderson researcher who received a Nobel prize for it in 2018. It is an FDA-approved drug which is being used in the treatment of several different cancers. The other drug is new and has shown great results in testing so far. Both drugs are immunotherapy drugs not chemotherapy. Immunotherapy drugs work with the body’s immune system to fight the cancer as opposed to chemo drugs which are toxic and try to fight the cancer. Immunotherapy drugs have fewer side effects than chemo and the side effects are less severe. Immunotherapy drugs for esophageal cancer did not even exist when I was first diagnosed.  In 2016, my oncologist in Fort Wayne said that immunotherapy drugs would be the only way I would ever be cured.

This is a phase 1 trial, which means I will absolutely receive the drug and not just have a 50/50 chance of getting the drug, like the trial I was in previously. The clinical trial requires me to be at MD Anderson on Day 1, Day 2, Day 5, Day 8 and Day 15 of the first treatment cycle. On the 28th day I will get my second treatment and then will not have to return for another 28 days.  Since during the first month we had to be in Houston so much, we decided that we would pack up our RV and move to Texas.  We plan to stay in Texas until mid-May and then slowly travel back to Indiana for the summer, stopping to visit friends in Tennessee.

The trial looks promising as a potential cure for esophageal cancer. Joan and I both feel that God made it very clear to us that this is where I need to be. We are excited about the possibilities of a drug that is effective against this cancer and we are excited about the possibilities of doing more traveling for fun, since I now have 28 days between treatments.

Yesterday, I had my first treatment. It went well. The drugs did not seem to affect me at all. I had 3 EKGs, 6 blood draws and my vital signs were taken 7 times. We arrived at MD Anderson at 8:00 am and left at 9:30 pm. It was a very long day but we are rejoicing that everything has gone so smoothly since leaving Florida, especially considering the many problems created by the COVID 19 virus.

God is so good. He is so faithful.  The Bible tells us that He promises to never leave or forsake us. When you read that or when you hear that, do you really believe it?  It's true.  You can believe it!  He never lies.  He never leaves us.  He never has and He never will.  Joan and I have chosen to put our complete faith, hope and trust in Him.

Your continued prayers are appreciated. 

Clinical Trials and God.

It’s been a while since my last post. There hasn’t been of a lot of new information to report. My scans continue to show no evidence of active cancer and no evidence that I ever had cancer. I still get chemo every other week and I get scans every other month.

When I was first diagnosed with cancer I was given three options. I could do nothing at all and the oncologist said I had 2 to 3 months to live. My second option was to take chemo and the oncologist said, if the chemo was effective, I could probably live 12 months. He made it very clear to me that there was no chemo regimen that would make this cancer go away. If the chemo was effective, it would slow the spread of the cancer, giving me an additional 9 to 10 months of life. The third option was to take the chemo and be part of clinical study for a new drug that showed some promise in defeating this cancer’s ability to resist chemo. Half of the participants in this study would get the new study drug and half would get a placebo. I opted for the clinical study. A statistician in Boston is the only one who knew which patients were actually getting the study drug.

After about six months, when my esophagus had healed up on its own and the tumors in my liver were gone, the oncologist started saying that I must be getting the study drug. There is no chemo regimen that can produce the results I was getting, so the doctor believed that I must be getting the new drug.

This past November, we were told that the study was over. The drug had not performed as expected and the drug company was not going to pursue FDA approval of this drug. We were also informed that I had not been receiving the study drug. I got the placebo, i.e., normal saline. I asked the doctor to what he attributed my success. He said about 4% of the patients survive this cancer and there must be something about my body that is different than most people, putting me in that 4%. I replied that we believe it is prayer. We know that many people have been praying for me.

God deserves all of the praise for my success at living almost 16 months longer than the oncologist predicted. God deserves all of the praise for removing all active cancer and healing the parts of my body that were damaged by the cancer. I continue to receive maintenance chemo every other week. The oncologist believes that the cancer still exists in my body at a level that is undetectable by current technology. For now, we are going along with his recommendation to continue with the chemo maintenance dose.

Since I am no longer in a clinical study, I can receive my chemo anywhere. That means when we travel to Florida for extended times, I can transfer my treatment down there and will no longer have to travel back to Indiana for chemo. Next winter we plan on being in Florida for the entire winter.

Thank you again for your prayers. We continue to pray that one day, I will be free of the need for chemo. God is good.

Best News

This past week, I got the best news, since I was diagnosed with cancer nearly 16 month ago.  When I was initially diagnosed with cancer, scans showed that I had two large cancerous tumors and numerous smaller cancerous lesions throughout my liver. My esophagus had a large tumor that had narrowed the diameter of the opening making swallowing difficult. I was told I had about 12 months to live if I took chemotherapy and only 2-3 months to live if I did nothing at all. That was almost 16 months ago.

Six months into the chemotherapy, the esophagus was cancer-free, one tumor was gone, the other tumor was reduced by 60% and the numerous spots were gone. Also at this time, one of the two chemo drugs was discontinued because of the effects it has on the nervous system. Two months later, spots showed up in the liver that the radiologist said were cancerous and my oncologist said were probably not cancer. Since June, there has been no change in my scans (until last week). My oncologist has been saying that there was no active cancer because the tumor and the spots had not changed in size. Active cancers would either grow in size or diminish in size but they don’t typically stay the same size. The radiologist, however, continued to call them all cancerous.

This past week, we met with my oncologist to review the most recent scans. They show no tumors, no spots – nothing abnormal in my liver. It’s as if I never had any cancer at all. The esophagus remains cancer free as well. The oncologist is amazed at my success, which he attributes to the trial drug I may or may not be getting. I’m giving credit to the King of kings and Lord of lords.

I’m still taking chemo, since the oncologist believes that the cancer could still be in the cells. Joan and I are praying that one day the doctor will declare me cured and chemotherapy is no longer indicated.

Thank you for your prayers for my healing. We serve an awesome God.

What a Difference a Year Makes.

Since my last blog update, we spent October and most of November in Florida. Of course we had to travel back to Fort Wayne every other week for chemo, but we made it work.  One of the weeks in Florida, we spent at Disney with Kerri, Seth and Madeleine, while camping in Fort Wilderness.  Our time at Disney was awesome, as expected.

Just before Thanksgiving, we returned to Indiana, leaving our motorhome in Florida. The need to return to Fort Wayne every other week makes it impossible for us to spend the winter in Florida.  We are planning to return to Florida at the end of March and spend six to eight weeks before bringing the motorhome back to Fort Wayne.

Last week in addition to chemo, I had my eighth set of scans. Once again, the scans showed no active cancer anywhere in my body. Praise God! This has now been eight months of consistent scans showing no cancer. We continually thank God for the healing that has taken place in the past year.

One year ago, I was uncertain that I would be alive today. My oncologist had only given me just 12 months to live, if I underwent chemotherapy. Currently, my lab work, my physical exams, the scans and the way I feel all indicate that I am winning the battle with cancer.  God is so good.

Again, I want to thank you for your prayers and words of encouragement. While everything looks good, the oncologist says that there is no cure for this cancer. God is my source of a cure. Your continued prayers are appreciated.

More Good News

Last week was busy and good in every way. I took chemo early last week - Monday instead of Wednesday. On Tuesday, I had repeat CT scans. On Wednesday, we met with the oncologist who said the scans look good. There is no evidence of any active cancer in the liver or anywhere else in my body. Praise God!  Thank you for your prayers.

Also on Wednesday, I was disconnected from my take-home chemo and we drove the motorhome to Georgetown, KY on our way to Florida. We continued to drive on Thursday, Friday and a little bit on Saturday before arriving in North Fort Myers, Florida. We are staying at the same campground where we stayed in January through April of 2016. It was good to be at our "Florida home". The campground is in pretty good shape after Hurricane Irma but much work is being done to get it ready for the onslaught of snowbirds.

This week is the one year anniversary of my cancer diagnosis. As much as we want to focus on the present and the future, we can't help but think back to those very dark days just one year ago. God has been so good to us this past year. I am reminded of His promise to never leave us or forsake us.  Joan and I have felt His presence with us each and every day of this cancer journey.  We have never known one minute of time where we didn’t feel His presence.  I was told I might have a year to live if I went through chemo. I feel great. My lab work is good and my scans are good. Praise God, I'm going to live beyond one year.

Thank you for your continued prayers and support. We have felt every single one of them.  God is good and He is faithful to His people.

Good News Again

Today, I received the results from the CT scans taken on Monday. It was all good news. Praise God! There was no change from the scans taken two months ago. The unknown spots remain the same size and the one remaining “tumor” did not change in size either. My cancer marker numbers remain in the 1.5-3.0 level down from 1691 when I was first diagnosed.  My labs look great.  My exam is normal.  Taking all of the information together, the oncologist believes that the one remaining “tumor” is likely not a tumor at all and is instead, either scar tissue or dead cancer cells. The unknown spots, he believes, are spots that occur sometimes in the liver with chemo patients. The oncologist does not believe that there are any new or active, growing lesions in my liver.  The current plan of treatment (with God’s help) is working and therefore, will continue.  Thank you for your prayers!  They are working.  God is so faithful and we are so very blessed.