Worst day of my life, so far.

As I was trying to wake up from the anesthesia, the nurse told me to get dressed and that I would be wheeled back to a different part of the hospital to meet with Dr. Sharma and my wife. I knew then that I would not be getting good news. Joan should have been with me in the Recovery Room, but she wasn't. So it was not a huge surprise to hear the “C” word – cancer. Cancer, that’s for other people. I’ve been healthy most of my life. I’m not a very good “sick person”. For years I worked hard on this body. Maybe it was to prepare it for the coming difficulties – surgery, radiation and chemo. Joan said I’ll have a ministry when this over. I don't want that kind of ministry. But, I trust my Heavenly Father in all things. Over the years I’ve learned that there are times when we get to talk about our faith and there are times we get to live it. It’s time to put on my big boy pants and live it. I don't want to be a cancer survivor. Well, of course I want to beat this thing, but I don't like the sound of the term “cancer survivor”. Don't get me wrong it is better than the alternative, but I still don't like it. I think I better get used to things I don’t like being the norm. Joe Diffie’s song, Prop Me Up Beside the Jukebox (If I Die), has been running though my head today. Not the whole song, just the line that says, “Lord, I wanna go to heaven, but I don’t wanna go tonight”. Cancer sure changes one’s perspective. Yesterday I was deeply concerned about this upcoming election. I’m still concerned about our country's future, but not nearly as much. All of a sudden my priorities have changed. Amazing. We had big plans for the next six months – close on the house, travel to Baltimore to visit family and then spend the winter in Florida in our motorhome. Why are we dealing with this now? We could have kept the house, if we had known. What’s God’s plan now? Will we understand it sometime later? Will any of this ever make sense? We met with friends tonight for our monthly get together for dinner. We started this gathering when one of the eight was going through chemo. Now maybe it’s my turn to be supported by the group. It was good to be surrounded by friends – Godly friends. I’m pretty sure this is how the Body of Christ is supposed to function. What a thing of beauty to be a part of.