I will never forget the feeling the word, “incurable” had on me when the oncologist told me that I had a form of cancer that was incurable. At 64 years of age, I was declared incurable. It felt like a judge had sentenced me to death.
Yesterday, I listened to Tim Timmons on a YouTube video ( https://youtu.be/PSJZoEoVPy4. )
where he stated that he was diagnosed with incurable cancer 12 years ago. My first thought was, 12 years sounds pretty good. My second thought was, we are all suffering from an incurable disease. It’s called “life” in this sick, broken world. We are all going to die. We all know that, but we seldom live that way.
I know since the diagnosis, my days feel more scarce and yet I don’t really feel like death is imminent. I believe God is healing me. I believe that I am victorious over this, but the incurable nature of this prognosis, has me thinking differently than ever before.
In many ways it’s a good thing to believe that I am incurable. It makes me consider my priorities. It makes me consider how to spend my time, how to speak to others, what my legacy will be, etc. These are things we should all be concerned with, every day, no matter how long we think we have to live. And yet there’s just something about that word, “incurable”.
I spend more time in contemplation. It’s a mixture of praise to God, prayer for whatever and whoever comes to mind and a time of meditation and reflection. I am close to God and oh so grateful that this is not just a reaction to cancer.
I desire to be with friends and family more than I used to. As an introvert, family and friend times tend to be energy-draining and yet, now I find myself more outgoing than ever.
I’ve heard of Christ followers who, when they are at a restaurant will ask their wait person if there is a need that they could pray for. I’ve thought many times that this is what we are called to do. Why did I wait until the incurable label was placed on me to try it? It was great when we did it recently at Cracker Barrel.
Francis Chan asks us to consider in what area of our lives are we walking by faith. Many of our brothers and sisters in Christ in other countries must trust God for every aspect of their existence. In America, most Christians aren’t nearly as dependent on God. But I am, now. I don’t have a future on this earth without God showing up and that changes everything. Now that I must depend on Him for life, depending on Him for everything else is easier. Potentially making a fool of myself for Jesus by talking to a waitress about my faith is easier. I truly felt that I had nothing to lose (being attached to a tube running to a bag pumping chemo into my body helped keep my pride in check, too) and what difference did it make anyway. Nothing that could have happened in that restaurant could have turned out worse than being told I was incurable.
It’s kind of like Mark Twain said, “Eat a live frog every morning, and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.” Sharing my faith became so much easier once I realized I’m dying. I mean, what else can happen to me worse than that?
I pray that many years from now, I will never forget the incurable nature of life and the sense of priority-setting it has had on me.
Sunday, October 30, 2016
Thursday, October 27, 2016
Yesterday was the beginning of my second chemo treatment. The days leading up it were the best I have had in a while. We have settled into our winter home, which makes dealing with the chemo easier.
During the chemo treatment at the hospital I felt fine. After we left the hospital, I began to feel the effects of the steroids making me jittery. By bedtime I was beginning to feel tired and my stomach was upset. I woke in the middle of the night feeling very nauseous. I took a pill and sat in the bathroom praying. Five minutes later I felt better and went back to bed.
Today has been good so far. I’m a bit sluggish, but my stomach has felt better. I’m attached to a chemo pump until tomorrow afternoon at 1:30.
Life is starting to take on a routine, which we really needed. Since my diagnosis on 9/30, we have lived in our old home, a hotel, Kerri’s house and now the Miller’s. We still are not completely settled in, but we are getting close.
God and His people continue to remain faithful. We are so blessed.
During the chemo treatment at the hospital I felt fine. After we left the hospital, I began to feel the effects of the steroids making me jittery. By bedtime I was beginning to feel tired and my stomach was upset. I woke in the middle of the night feeling very nauseous. I took a pill and sat in the bathroom praying. Five minutes later I felt better and went back to bed.
Today has been good so far. I’m a bit sluggish, but my stomach has felt better. I’m attached to a chemo pump until tomorrow afternoon at 1:30.
Life is starting to take on a routine, which we really needed. Since my diagnosis on 9/30, we have lived in our old home, a hotel, Kerri’s house and now the Miller’s. We still are not completely settled in, but we are getting close.
God and His people continue to remain faithful. We are so blessed.
Sunday, October 23, 2016
Yesterday we left Kerri’s house and moved into our “winter home” in Fort Wayne. What a lovely home we have to live in. Thank you Dave and Darlene and thank you Jesus for providing a such a nice place so close to Parkview.
It will take a few days to get settled in, but at least we don’t have to move any more or live out of a suitcase. When I think back to how quickly God (and The Millers) took care of our housing need, I am amazed. We did not even have time to pray about it. There were so many other things going on and the Millers offered so quickly, we just did not have time to ask God to supply this most basic need of ours. We would have been happy with anything that was available, but we actually have a nicer home to live in this winter than the house we sold. God is so faithful.
We went to church today with Dave and Darlene. The pastor spoke about waiting on God. How timely. Our faith is strong. Our God is almighty. We are in good hands.
It will take a few days to get settled in, but at least we don’t have to move any more or live out of a suitcase. When I think back to how quickly God (and The Millers) took care of our housing need, I am amazed. We did not even have time to pray about it. There were so many other things going on and the Millers offered so quickly, we just did not have time to ask God to supply this most basic need of ours. We would have been happy with anything that was available, but we actually have a nicer home to live in this winter than the house we sold. God is so faithful.
We went to church today with Dave and Darlene. The pastor spoke about waiting on God. How timely. Our faith is strong. Our God is almighty. We are in good hands.
Wednesday, October 19, 2016
It was good to laugh
Yesterday and today have been more difficult as the side effects of chemo impacted me. I felt very tired and my stomach has been upset. God has blessed me with a job that is flexible enough that I can work around the bad days. I talked to several old GM friends today. It was good to laugh.
Monday, October 17, 2016
Blood transfusion
I spent most of the day at Parkview getting blood. I slept quite a bit of the time while the blood was going in and on the way to Kerri’s and then again once we got to Kerri’s. My stomach feels better and I’m starting to feel more normal again. Tomorrow we don’t have to get up to any alarms and nothing has to be done, but rest. Thank you, Jesus, for the ability to rest in you.
Sunday, October 16, 2016
We attended Life Community Church in Fort Wayne today. We were loved on and supported by so many of our brothers and sisters in Christ. It was a really uplifting experience. We were called to the front of the church to be prayed for. We believe in prayer and we thank the pastors at Life for taking time out of the service to pray for us.
After church we went to the Millers (our winter home) so that I could have the Home Health Nurse remove my chemo pump. A nice lunch was provided as well.
I did not feel quite as well today. My stomach was a bit upset starting right after breakfast (not too bad, though) and I got really tired in the afternoon. The tiredness could be chemo related or just because we had to get up so early today.
We missed traveling to Baltimore this week, due to the cancer. We missed spending time with family that we have not seen in quite a while. Tomorrow we were scheduled to leave Baltimore for Florida. I see us definitely spending next winter in Florida.
Tomorrow is another early morning as I have to have some blood drawn, possibly followed by a blood transfusion. The transfusion may help with being tired. Hopefully, after tomorrow we get over a week off from trips to Parkview.
After church we went to the Millers (our winter home) so that I could have the Home Health Nurse remove my chemo pump. A nice lunch was provided as well.
I did not feel quite as well today. My stomach was a bit upset starting right after breakfast (not too bad, though) and I got really tired in the afternoon. The tiredness could be chemo related or just because we had to get up so early today.
We missed traveling to Baltimore this week, due to the cancer. We missed spending time with family that we have not seen in quite a while. Tomorrow we were scheduled to leave Baltimore for Florida. I see us definitely spending next winter in Florida.
Tomorrow is another early morning as I have to have some blood drawn, possibly followed by a blood transfusion. The transfusion may help with being tired. Hopefully, after tomorrow we get over a week off from trips to Parkview.
Saturday, October 15, 2016
Yesterday was my first day of chemo. All things considered, it was a very good day.
The good: The accommodations were great. I sat in a massage recliner with heat. They had a nice, full lunch prepared. The staff were very attentive and professional. We had a scheduling issue that had to be worked out for the take home chemo that I have and Tracy, the nurse who worked on that for hours kept us informed as to how she was doing and she eventually got it resolved. Also the internet access is awesome. I listened to Pandora (Vertical Church Band Radio) most of the day.. The people at Parkview have made this as pleasant an experience as possible.
The not so good: We left Kerri's house at 6:30AM and returned at 8:00PM. What a day! The treatments took about 5 hours. Training on the take home chemo took a while and then we had to meet a Home Health Nurse in the home of the people who have let us have their home for the winter. It was a very long day.
The really good: Other than feeling tired, and maybe that’s just from the long day we had, I have had no side effects from the chemo. None. Praise God. We asked for no side effects and we have no side effects. Thank you, Jesus.
For the first 46 hours after my chemo ends, I have a take home bag of chemo with a pump that is attached to me with 4-feet of tubing. Shortly after the chemo runs out a Home Health Nurse will disconnect the tubing and take the pump away.
Monday, I have to have some lab work done and will probably need to have a transfusion. My hemoglobin count has been dropping and the iron tablets alone have not halted the drop. Chemo should stop the bleeding that is causing the hemoglobin drop.
Again, I want to thank everyone for their emails, Facebook messages, text messages, phone calls, visits and cards to both Joan and I. Until one goes through something like this, it’s hard to imagine just how much it helps knowing that others are praying and offering assistance.
We are trusting God throughout this ordeal and continue to see His hand at work even in the smallest of details.
The good: The accommodations were great. I sat in a massage recliner with heat. They had a nice, full lunch prepared. The staff were very attentive and professional. We had a scheduling issue that had to be worked out for the take home chemo that I have and Tracy, the nurse who worked on that for hours kept us informed as to how she was doing and she eventually got it resolved. Also the internet access is awesome. I listened to Pandora (Vertical Church Band Radio) most of the day.. The people at Parkview have made this as pleasant an experience as possible.
The not so good: We left Kerri's house at 6:30AM and returned at 8:00PM. What a day! The treatments took about 5 hours. Training on the take home chemo took a while and then we had to meet a Home Health Nurse in the home of the people who have let us have their home for the winter. It was a very long day.
The really good: Other than feeling tired, and maybe that’s just from the long day we had, I have had no side effects from the chemo. None. Praise God. We asked for no side effects and we have no side effects. Thank you, Jesus.
For the first 46 hours after my chemo ends, I have a take home bag of chemo with a pump that is attached to me with 4-feet of tubing. Shortly after the chemo runs out a Home Health Nurse will disconnect the tubing and take the pump away.
Monday, I have to have some lab work done and will probably need to have a transfusion. My hemoglobin count has been dropping and the iron tablets alone have not halted the drop. Chemo should stop the bleeding that is causing the hemoglobin drop.
Again, I want to thank everyone for their emails, Facebook messages, text messages, phone calls, visits and cards to both Joan and I. Until one goes through something like this, it’s hard to imagine just how much it helps knowing that others are praying and offering assistance.
We are trusting God throughout this ordeal and continue to see His hand at work even in the smallest of details.
Thursday, October 13, 2016
Thank God for encouragers
God has sent several Godly men into my path over the past few days. I thank God for their faithfulness in encouraging me during this difficult time in my life.
Tomorrow (Friday) is my first chemo treatment. I pray that I am able to tolerate the dosage of chemo the doctor deems necessary and that the chemo stops the cancer.
Tomorrow (Friday) is my first chemo treatment. I pray that I am able to tolerate the dosage of chemo the doctor deems necessary and that the chemo stops the cancer.
Tuesday, October 11, 2016
How are we doing?
If I were following this blog, and I’m grateful that many of you are, I would be wondering how we are doing emotionally, mentally and spiritually.
The emotions are on overdrive. Generally, I think we are doing well emotionally, until we start talking about it. It’s so hard to accept this as our new normal. Joan says it feels like a bad dream that we must, somehow, wake out of. I’m a mess of emotions when I try to talk about any of this and I hate it.
Mentally and spiritually I think we are right where we should be. We know that there is a good chance that my life will end much sooner than either of us had ever imagined. We also know that God, not the doctor, is in charge. We are trusting God to be Who He is – our Heavenly Father. He may heal me. He may not. In either case He will never leave me.
Trusting God. What does that look like? I have heard people (erroneously I believe) state that if we have enough faith then God will do whatever we ask. Of course, if the prayer is not answered then it is because the requester did not have enough faith.
It occurred to me recently as I was considering what it means to have trust in God, that my trust is not that He will produce a desired outcome, but my trust is that He will take care of me. I hope and pray that He sees fit to heal me, soon. But fortunately our hope in God extends far beyond this life. As Paul said, in 1 Corinthians 15:19, “If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are of all people most to be pitied.” Paul’s life was filed with difficulties, but his hope was in eternity.
Because of this hope in eternal life, we can discuss plans to leave this life with a great deal of peace, knowing that for the Christian, things will turn out for our best.
Don’t get me wrong, I will fight with all that is in me to prolong my life. I want to live. I want to see my grandchildren graduate from high school and college and get married and give us great grandchildren, etc. I want to share the gospel of Christ with more people. I want to expand the kingdom of God. Despite what I want for my life, I submit to His will for my life, whatever that looks like.
I thank God for the peace and comfort He has given us during this time. I also regularly thank God for you that are lifting us up. Your prayers for us are truly felt.
The emotions are on overdrive. Generally, I think we are doing well emotionally, until we start talking about it. It’s so hard to accept this as our new normal. Joan says it feels like a bad dream that we must, somehow, wake out of. I’m a mess of emotions when I try to talk about any of this and I hate it.
Mentally and spiritually I think we are right where we should be. We know that there is a good chance that my life will end much sooner than either of us had ever imagined. We also know that God, not the doctor, is in charge. We are trusting God to be Who He is – our Heavenly Father. He may heal me. He may not. In either case He will never leave me.
Trusting God. What does that look like? I have heard people (erroneously I believe) state that if we have enough faith then God will do whatever we ask. Of course, if the prayer is not answered then it is because the requester did not have enough faith.
It occurred to me recently as I was considering what it means to have trust in God, that my trust is not that He will produce a desired outcome, but my trust is that He will take care of me. I hope and pray that He sees fit to heal me, soon. But fortunately our hope in God extends far beyond this life. As Paul said, in 1 Corinthians 15:19, “If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are of all people most to be pitied.” Paul’s life was filed with difficulties, but his hope was in eternity.
Because of this hope in eternal life, we can discuss plans to leave this life with a great deal of peace, knowing that for the Christian, things will turn out for our best.
Don’t get me wrong, I will fight with all that is in me to prolong my life. I want to live. I want to see my grandchildren graduate from high school and college and get married and give us great grandchildren, etc. I want to share the gospel of Christ with more people. I want to expand the kingdom of God. Despite what I want for my life, I submit to His will for my life, whatever that looks like.
I thank God for the peace and comfort He has given us during this time. I also regularly thank God for you that are lifting us up. Your prayers for us are truly felt.
Monday, October 10, 2016
We had a really good day. Nobody said anything bad to us. No bad news is a good day. Our Heavenly Father was good enough to send us some encouragement as well. Two different people told us unsolicited stories of relatives who were told they had short times to live and were alive years later. One had survived for 4 years and one case that was identical to mine has been alive for 7 years and is still living. Seven years seems like an eternity right now.
Today I had the chemo port put in. My chemo begins this Friday. Between now and Friday I am free to do my job, catch up with friends and family and maybe get enough sleep.
My chemo treatments will be every two weeks. I will go home with a pump that will continue to put medicine in my port for two days. Then I need to return to Parkview to have the pump removed and the port cleaned out to prevent infection.
Today I had the chemo port put in. My chemo begins this Friday. Between now and Friday I am free to do my job, catch up with friends and family and maybe get enough sleep.
My chemo treatments will be every two weeks. I will go home with a pump that will continue to put medicine in my port for two days. Then I need to return to Parkview to have the pump removed and the port cleaned out to prevent infection.
Sunday, October 9, 2016
Friday, October 7, 2016
Another bad day.
Well, the good news first. We are officially homeless. The settlement is complete and that part of our lives is over.
The bad news is that the esophageal cancer has spread to the liver making it incurable. No surgery, and no radiation are planned. The only plan is life-extending chemotherapy. I agreed to participate in a clinical trial in which I have a randomized 50/50 chance of getting a trial drug in addition to the chemo.
We are still trying to process this all. Without treatment I was only given 2-3 months to live. With chemo, the average life expectancy is 1 year. One year, that actually sounded like a long time after I heard 2-3 months. The oncologist, whom we both really liked, said I have many things going in my favor such as my age, my overall health, the fact that right now I am not having any symptoms, etc.
I am scheduled to have a port placed on Monday for the chemotherapy. I will get a treatment every other week, with a pump to take home for two days which will continue to pump chemo into me. The expectation is 4-5 days after chemo I will not feel well and then I will likely have some good days until we start the cycle over again. In two months, I will have repeat CT scans to check the effectiveness of the chemo.
My faith in my Heavenly Father has never been stronger. I know He is in charge regardless of the outcome.
We visited tonight with the wonderful, Godly couple that have offered us their home this winter while they are in Arizona. It’s close to where I’ll be getting my chemo. God and His people are so good. At least our living arrangements are provided for in a tangible way. God bless you, Dave and Darlene.
Thursday, October 6, 2016
I had a really good day. First, I did not have any medical appointments. Second, I got to eat real food. We went to Bob Evans for lunch where I had an egg over sausage, biscuits and gravy. Then for dinner we went to Cracker Barrel where I had meatloaf. Then, we met friends after dinner at DeBrands for desert. God’s people have been so supportive.
We (Joan, mostly) cleaned up the last bit at the house. We did our part of the closing today to allow us all afternoon tomorrow for medical appointments. Tomorrow is a big day, as we learn the extent of the cancer and what the treatment plan will be. Regardless of tomorrow’s news, God has this under control.
We (Joan, mostly) cleaned up the last bit at the house. We did our part of the closing today to allow us all afternoon tomorrow for medical appointments. Tomorrow is a big day, as we learn the extent of the cancer and what the treatment plan will be. Regardless of tomorrow’s news, God has this under control.
Wednesday, October 5, 2016
PET Scan
I slept a little better last night. I awoke to an alarm for the PET scan. After the PET scan it was back to the house. Seth brought his parents with him to help. What a blessing Rose and Bill were. Bev came by too. We needed all of that help to finally get down to where we can handle the rest tomorrow.
We moved out and into a hotel for a few days. I got to eat some cream of chicken soup with crackers. It tasted so good. It was just a can of Campbell’s but it tasted great. Tomorrow I get to try more soft food.
I'm not in control of anything. No one asks what day or time works best for me when making appointments. I have nothing scheduled in my life that matters much anymore, anyway. Elections, football and news have lost their importance. God, health, family and friends take up all the time I have.
We moved out and into a hotel for a few days. I got to eat some cream of chicken soup with crackers. It tasted so good. It was just a can of Campbell’s but it tasted great. Tomorrow I get to try more soft food.
I'm not in control of anything. No one asks what day or time works best for me when making appointments. I have nothing scheduled in my life that matters much anymore, anyway. Elections, football and news have lost their importance. God, health, family and friends take up all the time I have.
Tuesday, October 4, 2016
We got to sleep in today, sort of. I had a rough night. The stent is bothering me somewhat. I have had headaches off and on since I woke up from the anesthesia. Tylenol helps some. I’m still on liquids today, but I can have puddings, Jello and ice cream. I’m supposed to be on a high protein diet today for tomorrow's PET scan, so I get Ensure High Protein instead of the steak I want.
People came by to pick things up. Pastor Steve blessed us by taking stuff that just needed to be taken and disposed of. We prayed in the driveway. Thanks, Steve.
There is still so much to do in order to get out of this house. I’m not much help right now. I did call all of the utilities today to close out our accounts.
We met with the Nurse Practitioner, Oncology Navigator and Nutritionist today. Nothing really new was learned. The Nutritionist wants me to eat at least 2000 calories per day to keep my weight up. No one has ever told me to do that before. As Bill Murray said in Caddie Shack, “I’ve got that going for me.”
Son-in-law Seth came by to help with moving things into storage. What a big help he was. We still have a lot to do, but we made a lot of progress today. More help is coming tomorrow.
Several cancer survivors have connected with me to share their stories of victory of this awful disease. It really is comforting to hear the success stories that are out there. I’m still processing all of this, but this much I am sure of: I never tire of people emailing their support, love and prayers.
People came by to pick things up. Pastor Steve blessed us by taking stuff that just needed to be taken and disposed of. We prayed in the driveway. Thanks, Steve.
There is still so much to do in order to get out of this house. I’m not much help right now. I did call all of the utilities today to close out our accounts.
We met with the Nurse Practitioner, Oncology Navigator and Nutritionist today. Nothing really new was learned. The Nutritionist wants me to eat at least 2000 calories per day to keep my weight up. No one has ever told me to do that before. As Bill Murray said in Caddie Shack, “I’ve got that going for me.”
Son-in-law Seth came by to help with moving things into storage. What a big help he was. We still have a lot to do, but we made a lot of progress today. More help is coming tomorrow.
Several cancer survivors have connected with me to share their stories of victory of this awful disease. It really is comforting to hear the success stories that are out there. I’m still processing all of this, but this much I am sure of: I never tire of people emailing their support, love and prayers.
Monday, October 3, 2016
Esophageal Stent Installed
Today was a big day. The alarm went off at 6:30. We needed to be ready to go to the hospital. Dr. Sharma said he would do an ultrasound to determine the state of the cancer and install a stent in the esophagus to allow food to pass more easily. We were up, showered and dressed and waiting. I’m not allowed any food or drink since last night.
We got a call about 9:00 a.m. informing us to be at the hospital at 1:15. We waited and prayed. More emails came in to Joan and me with an outpouring of support. It was overwhelming. A brother-in-law called to pray over the phone with us. Thanks Bob.
My co-workers were just informed today of my situation. We are geographically spread out, but thank God we are coming together in prayer. It’s awesome to work at a place with fellow believers.
Pastors Duane and Steve came by to pray with us before we left for Parkview. Pastor Steve read from Isaiah 41:13 “For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.” What inspiring words!
I was being wheeled on a hospital bed from the prep area to the hospital surgery area. It's a long way through many hallways. There was a short area where there were some windows to the outside. I really wanted to see outside. I was able to see the sky briefly. I asked for a sign – something to let me know He was there, I just wanted some assurance that He had this. I didn't get a sign. I got a word instead. I was looking for something in the sky, instead this ran through my head, “I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.” It’s from Hebrews 13:5 (KJV). That’s all I needed, no signs were required. I was fine after that. God is so good.
We know a bit more now, but we still do not have the whole picture. I had a stent inserted. It is a wire mesh device that opens up the esophagus so I can swallow food more easily. Dr. Sharma said that it appears that the cancer has spread to the liver. He is certain that we will start with chemo soon. We meet with the navigator and the nutritionist tomorrow (Tuesday). I am scheduled for a PET scan on Wednesday morning, again looking for any additional spread of the cancer. We meet with one or maybe two oncologists on Friday.
When I was waking up from the anesthesia, I was in a lot of pain and discomfort. The pain left as soon as the anesthesia wore off. The discomfort in my throat left after I drank a numbing solution. Liquids are all I get the rest of today. I get more substantial liquids for the next two days and then I finally get some soft foods after that.
As Dr. Sharma shared the news with Joan, he said something to the effect, “anyone who knows me, knows I'm not arrogant, but I'm just so glad that I'm Bill’s doctor…that I get to take care of him…this is what I do.” Joan shared with him that we both have a great deal of faith. Dr. Sharma looked right at her and said, “Then it must have been the Lord who wanted me to be the one to take care of him.” Prayer works. God hears and He cares.
We got a call about 9:00 a.m. informing us to be at the hospital at 1:15. We waited and prayed. More emails came in to Joan and me with an outpouring of support. It was overwhelming. A brother-in-law called to pray over the phone with us. Thanks Bob.
My co-workers were just informed today of my situation. We are geographically spread out, but thank God we are coming together in prayer. It’s awesome to work at a place with fellow believers.
Pastors Duane and Steve came by to pray with us before we left for Parkview. Pastor Steve read from Isaiah 41:13 “For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.” What inspiring words!
I was being wheeled on a hospital bed from the prep area to the hospital surgery area. It's a long way through many hallways. There was a short area where there were some windows to the outside. I really wanted to see outside. I was able to see the sky briefly. I asked for a sign – something to let me know He was there, I just wanted some assurance that He had this. I didn't get a sign. I got a word instead. I was looking for something in the sky, instead this ran through my head, “I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.” It’s from Hebrews 13:5 (KJV). That’s all I needed, no signs were required. I was fine after that. God is so good.
We know a bit more now, but we still do not have the whole picture. I had a stent inserted. It is a wire mesh device that opens up the esophagus so I can swallow food more easily. Dr. Sharma said that it appears that the cancer has spread to the liver. He is certain that we will start with chemo soon. We meet with the navigator and the nutritionist tomorrow (Tuesday). I am scheduled for a PET scan on Wednesday morning, again looking for any additional spread of the cancer. We meet with one or maybe two oncologists on Friday.
When I was waking up from the anesthesia, I was in a lot of pain and discomfort. The pain left as soon as the anesthesia wore off. The discomfort in my throat left after I drank a numbing solution. Liquids are all I get the rest of today. I get more substantial liquids for the next two days and then I finally get some soft foods after that.
As Dr. Sharma shared the news with Joan, he said something to the effect, “anyone who knows me, knows I'm not arrogant, but I'm just so glad that I'm Bill’s doctor…that I get to take care of him…this is what I do.” Joan shared with him that we both have a great deal of faith. Dr. Sharma looked right at her and said, “Then it must have been the Lord who wanted me to be the one to take care of him.” Prayer works. God hears and He cares.
Sunday, October 2, 2016
Before I start this, I want to make sure I state that any enlightenment that I may have in this subject is mostly just several days old.
Joan and I had a plan. We decided to downsize and live the next few years in our motorhome. It requires a great deal of downsizing to live in a 32 feet long by 10 feet wide motorhome, so we got rid of a lot including giving away all of our furniture. We thought we had this downsizing all figured out.
And then the cancer diagnosis hit. It’s amazing how little value Joan and I placed on things once cancer came into the picture. Even mementos lost their importance. At the same time, in my regular Bible studying, I read this: 2 Peter 3:10 “But the day of the Lord will come like a thief. The heavens will disappear with a roar; the elements will be destroyed by fire, and the earth and everything done in it will be laid bare.”
We (ok, maybe it was just me) forget sometimes that everything gets burned up in the end. All of the stuff that was so important burns up. All of the purchases that I labored over get burned up. My home, my vehicles and everything that I just had to have gets destroyed in the end.
This is not news to me, but I understand it better now. The things that matter most aren’t things. God, people and health matter, but things not so much. Dear God, please don’t let me forget this valuable lesson.
Joan and I had a plan. We decided to downsize and live the next few years in our motorhome. It requires a great deal of downsizing to live in a 32 feet long by 10 feet wide motorhome, so we got rid of a lot including giving away all of our furniture. We thought we had this downsizing all figured out.
And then the cancer diagnosis hit. It’s amazing how little value Joan and I placed on things once cancer came into the picture. Even mementos lost their importance. At the same time, in my regular Bible studying, I read this: 2 Peter 3:10 “But the day of the Lord will come like a thief. The heavens will disappear with a roar; the elements will be destroyed by fire, and the earth and everything done in it will be laid bare.”
We (ok, maybe it was just me) forget sometimes that everything gets burned up in the end. All of the stuff that was so important burns up. All of the purchases that I labored over get burned up. My home, my vehicles and everything that I just had to have gets destroyed in the end.
This is not news to me, but I understand it better now. The things that matter most aren’t things. God, people and health matter, but things not so much. Dear God, please don’t let me forget this valuable lesson.
I got a good night’s sleep last night for a change. We did not have to set any alarms. I woke up feeling better than I had felt in a while. That’s a good thing because today Kerri and Seth (daughter and son-in-law) came over to help us pack. I still got tired easily, but I had so much energy. Thank God for energy.
I cut grass for the last time at our house. This is one thing I will miss about leaving the house. That’s not a typo. Whenever I was on the John Deere with my headphones listening to my tunes, all was right with the world. Today, Andre Crouch reminded me that “Through it All” he had learned to trust in Jesus. That’s been my theme song the rest of the day – through it all.
What a blessing Kerri and Seth were to us today. I know they went home tired. I thank God for them and their willingness to help during our time of need.
I had a really good day today. Thank you Jesus. I was able to do a lot. Keeping busy is good.
Joan’s sister, Amy, set up a Prayer Vigil for me. People that I don’t even know who are connected to people I don’t know have signed up. God is so good and so are His people. I am inspired and humbled by the continual outpouring of love and support. I know our Heavenly Father is pleased when we come together in love.
In John 13:35, Jesus said, “By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” You are showing the world whose disciples you are. Thanks to each of you who are loving us with your prayers, support, physical labor, etc.
Some dear friends have offered us their house for the winter while they live in Arizona. Can you believe that? We may need a house for the next few months and God’s people have provided one very close to Parkview Medical Center. Thank you Dave and Darlene.
Our friends Don and Carolyn who own Cold Stone Creamery blessed me with a half-gallon of my favorite ice cream flavor. The cancer makes it hard for me to swallow, but ice cream goes right through. Thanks Don and Carolyn.
Tomorrow (Monday) is a big day. Hopefully Dr. Sharma is able to place a stent in my esophagus to make food swallowing easier for me. I can’t wait to sit down and eat a meal without problems.
According to the counter, there have been over 200 reads on this blog.
God’s people are awesome!
I cut grass for the last time at our house. This is one thing I will miss about leaving the house. That’s not a typo. Whenever I was on the John Deere with my headphones listening to my tunes, all was right with the world. Today, Andre Crouch reminded me that “Through it All” he had learned to trust in Jesus. That’s been my theme song the rest of the day – through it all.
What a blessing Kerri and Seth were to us today. I know they went home tired. I thank God for them and their willingness to help during our time of need.
I had a really good day today. Thank you Jesus. I was able to do a lot. Keeping busy is good.
Joan’s sister, Amy, set up a Prayer Vigil for me. People that I don’t even know who are connected to people I don’t know have signed up. God is so good and so are His people. I am inspired and humbled by the continual outpouring of love and support. I know our Heavenly Father is pleased when we come together in love.
In John 13:35, Jesus said, “By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” You are showing the world whose disciples you are. Thanks to each of you who are loving us with your prayers, support, physical labor, etc.
Some dear friends have offered us their house for the winter while they live in Arizona. Can you believe that? We may need a house for the next few months and God’s people have provided one very close to Parkview Medical Center. Thank you Dave and Darlene.
Our friends Don and Carolyn who own Cold Stone Creamery blessed me with a half-gallon of my favorite ice cream flavor. The cancer makes it hard for me to swallow, but ice cream goes right through. Thanks Don and Carolyn.
Tomorrow (Monday) is a big day. Hopefully Dr. Sharma is able to place a stent in my esophagus to make food swallowing easier for me. I can’t wait to sit down and eat a meal without problems.
According to the counter, there have been over 200 reads on this blog.
God’s people are awesome!
Yesterday, we drove to the Cancer Center at Parkview. Two thoughts immediately enter my mind. I hate this place and I thank God this place exists for people like me. I am getting a CT scan to help determine the extent of the spread of cancer. Everyone here is nice.
I am humbled and encouraged at the outpouring of love and support less than 12 hours after my first posting. I need to write. There are so many emotions bottled up inside. They need to be expressed.
A co-worker emailed me this verse. What a blessing.
Praise to the God of All Comfort
3Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 5For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.
2 Cor. 1:3-5 New International Version
Many people have committed to pray for me, not just say a prayer in passing, as I know I have done at times, but really pray at a set time each day. Thank you brothers and sisters in Christ. I am so unworthy.
I am humbled and encouraged at the outpouring of love and support less than 12 hours after my first posting. I need to write. There are so many emotions bottled up inside. They need to be expressed.
A co-worker emailed me this verse. What a blessing.
Praise to the God of All Comfort
3Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 5For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.
2 Cor. 1:3-5 New International Version
Many people have committed to pray for me, not just say a prayer in passing, as I know I have done at times, but really pray at a set time each day. Thank you brothers and sisters in Christ. I am so unworthy.
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